Saturday, December 8, 2012

How Not To Be a Bully-Target By Using Executive Functions Skills

Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.

Buddha



The decisions you make every moment tend to lead to action and non-action. Regardless, of what decisions or choices you are typically known to make. Regardless of how long you have done things a certain way, it is possible to come to terms with the understanding that right here, right now, you are free to make different decisions, thereby possibly embarking on the new you?

Are you feeling like a victim? Maybe you are. I am not here to talk about why you may/ may not be a victim. Maybe you are being teased, bullied, slandered. Maybe your being shunned, excluded, purposefully unappreciated. That can definitely get anyone 'down,' and feeling kind of 'dark gray.'

If you are such a person, or if you are the parent, older family member, or teacher,  of someone in this situation, please experiment with these guidelines.


  • Make a daily goals checklist identifing 3-5 parameters that need to be kept in mind to ward off bullies. Such as:  1. Physical posture 2. good paraverbal skills (how you say what you say). How you hold yourself physically, and how you say what you say speaks for 93% of your communication to the world. 7% of communication are the actual words.
  • Meditation: It is not easy being still, but role-modeling a lifestyle that values meditation or prayer sets a strong beam in the upbringing of children. Meditation benefits all the executive function skills, hemispheric development, and is noted for increasing the ability to focus and sustain attention. Prayer tends to lead one into humility, praise and thanksgiving. Daniel prayed evening, morning, and night. Dad's of any religion should lead their families, along with the beloved mothers in praying with their children, or creating a time of quietness, perhaps in nature.
  • Role-play. Different people should continuously role-play different scenarios to the child being victimized. If you are being bullied, practice how you respond to bullies with your strong posture, and paraverbal awareness.
Coach Bill's challenge: Show strength by disarming a bully with your emotional intelligence. Is it better to defeat your opponent by breaking his nose, or by disarming him emotionally, and making him your friend? What an effect you would have! This is a ninja-skill. You will be better at it the more you practice it. 

In high school, I once turned what could have been a bloody fight into neutralizing my classmate enemy. By the following morning, the guy was apologizing to me in front of the class. The dramatic spectacle was an incredible victory. I had recently gained awareness of the term emotional intelligence, and had been thinking about how to apply my understanding of how to refine this intelligence in myself. I was 15 years old at that time. Anyways, in the two seconds following my classmates full, public apology, like a keen chess player, I moved in to secure my position by allowing him to save face. This completed the battle, and he became my good friend who I am fond of.

Don't be afraid of bullies. This is an opportunity to strengthen yourself from the inside out. It will be transformatial, and set you apart from the pack.


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